Primpied by Luciano Russo

 

Five (look) rules to follow if you recently broke up

 

If you, like me, tried on more clothes than…feelings.

Summer is coming, your friends push to go out, have a drink, dance but you feel blue. You don’t want to get up and of course don’t care about your outfit. DON’T PANIC, we’re here for you #chiediaprimpy!

It doesn’t matter how much you loved somebody, all good things come to an end and when orange blossoms drift apart, chrysanthemums move close. There are some rules to follow, even for your look because what you put on the last time you’ll see him, it will be the image he will bear in mind. In a movie the word ‘end’ seals a photogram, so I suggest you to be like Carrie Bradshaw that dumps or is dumped, in spite of an ordinary desperate girl.

Of course, this rule is valid if you didn’t date someone belonging to the worst category: “people who break up through WhatsApp”. This is the first symptom of a great strategic cure: This is not a story about forgiveness was the mantra of Emily Thorne in Revenge and it’s even mine.

Follow 5 easy (look) rules:

  1. DON’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM, NEVER. Because you will meet him and don’t have to be disorganized. The look you have when you will meet him after you broke up is more important than the one you used to tell him to buzz off. YOU MUST BE CONFIDENT, sexy but mainly ARROGANT. Come on, behave like me: total look by Saint Laurent and you’ll never get wrong. But if you can’t afford it, seek something similar.
  2. NEVER BE SAD, buy new clothes, make your skirts shorter and your holidays longer: it’s a cold war. You don’t have to win easily, the victory has to be crushing. Change your style: the hairdresser and the stores will be your best friends.
  3. GO TO THE GYM, to the beautician, make your body perfect because it’s no more on his list and as the basic marketing laws say, “items in the window are half sold”. Do you want to sale the puff pastry by Carlo Cracco or the cheaper one?
  4. POST LIKE STINK, when he will tell you that the “king is dead, long live the king”, it means you’re doing well. But it isn’t the moment to show off your best weapons yet.
  5. BLOCK, UNBLOCK, SHOP. Some men like these stupid games, what could I say? NO WAY. Suffer in silence and don’t say a word, you are in a changeable period and compulsive buying is around the corner. To be honest, the only block that really scares me is the credit card blocking, what a desperation!

And then there’s the biggest revenge, TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE THAN HIM, one problem drives away another.

Love is a losing game, R.I.P. Amy Winehouse, but it’s true and so here the “5 IF”:

  1. If your ex love story troubles you it’s normal, but if the emotion changes even your name, side with it and look beautiful just for yourself.
  2. If someone goes away it’s because someone else will come and you’ll meet the love again, otherwise you can find a dress by Gucci on sale that will change your summer.
  3. If you want him back again, wait because HE COULD DATE AGAIN you or his ex.
  4. If you don’t make him crawl at your feet or you don’t come back, remember that “if he was good, his girlfriend would have hold him”.
  5. If you don’t know how to get dressed, ask Primpy!

But if it is not enough, listen to “Un Nuovo amore quest’estate ci porterà” by Giusy Ferreri, LET’S WAIT and hope that he won’t have the same effect of the great depression of 1929, as the previous one.